Introduction:
For many gifted and neurodivergent individuals, the holiday season can bring a mix of connection, expectation, old roles, and emotional complexity. Even when we’ve grown, healed, or changed, returning to familiar environments can activate patterns we thought we outgrew. Recognizing this, we wanted to share a set of thoughtful strategies that may help you stay grounded.
These insights come from a recent piece by writer Lindsey Mackereth, published on her Substack article You’ve Evolved. Your Family Hasn’t. And the Holidays Are Coming. With Lindsey’s permission, we’re offering the six tools she outlines. We encourage you to explore her full article for the complete nuance, context, and examples.
6 Tips to Survive the Holidays — Without Relying On the Full Mask & Meltdown Combo
1. Micro-Dose Your Family Contact
Family gatherings are not a marathon. Treat them like a lab experiment.
Do this:
- Attend one conversation, one meal, or one hour at a time.
- Step outside, retreat to a quiet spot, or hide in the bathroom if needed.
- Track your energy — overwhelm is a signal, not a flaw.
Examples:
- Leave a party after the first hour instead of staying until everyone is asleep.
- Sit near a door for a quick escape route if someone starts an argument.
- Text a friend or go for a quick walk to reset before the next round.
Tough Love:
You do not have to endure every second. Presence in micro-doses counts. Mask optional.
Clinical Insight:
Neurocomplex nervous systems experience prolonged exposure as hyper-activation. Micro-dosing helps prevent reactive masking.
2. Boundaries Are Your Life Jacket
Decide in advance what is off-limits.
Do this:
- Identify relatives or conversations that trigger old survival patterns.
- Decide what you will refuse to engage in.
- Allocate your emotional bandwidth intentionally.
Examples:
- Aunt Karen’s life-advice lecture? Excuse yourself or change the subject.
- Uncle Joe’s political debate? “I don’t discuss politics at family gatherings.”
- Sensory overload from small kids? Designate a quiet recharge space.
Tough Love:
Boundaries are not selfish. They’re essential for survival.
Masking Insight:
Boundaries reduce pressure to perform or regress. They allow you to show up as you.
3. Script the Predictable Triggers
Family dynamics are predictable. Your neurocomplex brain knows this — use it.
Do this:
- Pre-plan responses to judgments or manipulations.
- Keep them short, firm, and emotionally neutral:
“I’m not discussing that today.”
“I won’t justify my choices again.”
Examples:
- Career comments? “I’m happy with my path, thanks for asking.”
- Relationship probing? “I’m prioritizing my health and happiness right now.”
- Repeat as needed.
Tough Love:
You don’t owe comfort. You owe yourself clarity.
Clinical Insight:
Scripts reduce cognitive load and prevent automatic regression into masking.
4. Ground Yourself Before and During the Event
Neurocomplex adults need rituals and anchors.
Do this:
- Journal expectations and triggers.
- Practice breathwork, stretching, or other somatic regulation.
- Take intentional breaks between events.
Examples:
- A 5-minute grounding meditation before arriving.
- Stepping outside after a triggering conversation.
- Using music, aromatherapy, or movement to regulate.
Tough Love:
Rituals are armor, not fluff.
Masking Insight:
Anchors help you stay rooted in your present self.
5. Reclaim the Narrative
You are not the version they remember.
Do this:
- Engage where safe. Step away where not.
- Do not shrink or mask to soothe others.
Examples:
- Decline invasive questions about growth or relationships.
- Speak calmly even when others react.
- Give your attention to those who support you.
Tough Love:
Your growth is not negotiable.
Masking Insight:
Showing up fully is permission to drop the mask.
6. Internal Permission Is Anti-Mask Power
Before entering the chaos, remind yourself:
“I am allowed to leave early.”
“I am allowed to disengage from conflict.”
“I am allowed to protect my nervous system first.”
Examples:
- Have a signal with a partner or friend to exit.
- Schedule a solo walk after draining interactions.
- Say no to traditions that threaten your emotional safety.
Tough Love:
Neurocomplex adults often feel guilt for self-preservation. Stop.
Masking Insight:
Internal permission dismantles masking in real time.
Conclusion
These tools offer grounding and clarity for anyone who finds the holidays emotionally or neurologically demanding. We’re grateful to Lindsey for putting language to an experience many in the Mensa Foundation community understand.
Lindsey Mackereth is a writer, clinician, and the creator of the concept of neurocomplexity. She challenges the binary ways we’re taught to understand our minds, our identities, and our healing. Through sharp clinical insight, candid personal storytelling, and a spark of cosmic humor, Lindsey speaks to anyone who has ever felt “too much,” “too weird,” or simply too alive for the boxes they were given. Her work creates space for complexity — not to be fixed, but to be witnessed, felt, and reclaimed.
Please visit her Substack for more content like this and read her articles on the lived experience of gifted and neurodivergent adults.
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